kinda excited (explanation of blog title)

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I had some big news coming but I needed to get my ducks in a row....well I can share now.   I got the news from my Dr. that he'll allow me to donate some care packages to people in the same situation as we are.  I never knew how lonely having a miscarriage could be....until I had one.  So in Ian's honor I am donating at least 10-15 stuffed elephants with this saying:


when a mother elephant loses her baby, the other elephants stand in a circle around her and allow her all the time she needs to grieve and mourn. They don't hurry her along, or push her to abandon the body. They gently touch her with their trunks, a silent show of unwavering support.


I am also going to include a letter from James and myself just telling them they are not alone. That there are resources available, that they don't have to do it by them selves, we are signing it simply, xoxo Ian's Mommy and Daddy.  I think I am also going to include a list of resources and blogs.....

I will say that the idea for this isn't entirely my own.  Right after we lost Ian I searched all over the net trying to find people that could relate to my story, not just feel sorry for me.  It was then I stumbled upon august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com.  The creator of the site had lost her little boy, Christian and wanted to give back.  She teamed up with another mom who lost her daughter, Hope and they decided to encourage women to donate care packages to Dr. offices and hospitals in honor of the babies we all lost.  On the Facebook version of the page women posted pictures of their care packages and inside one woman's package was an elephant with that saying.  I knew immediately that this is what I needed to do.  I messaged this lady and told her what an inspiration her thoughtfulness was, and that I was "stealing" her idea.  She messaged me back and said that she hoped that I got as much out of giving back as she did.  And I have to say I'm excited to do it!  I think part of my not being able to "move forward" is the fact that so many people view my baby, my Ian, as just another miscarriage.....and that hurts me to my core.  So, If I can possibly help a few mom's and dad's know that their baby was important and they are not alone.....then losing Ian isn't in vain.  I know that getting a stuffed animal isn't going to make the pain go away, but I know that it would have been comforting to me to know that I wasn't alone in my grief.