Last night James and I were talking about life....about Brycen going to 5k, and Haiden moving up to the toddler room at daycare, and about Ian's due date coming up soon. We also talked some more about my bitterness towards everything. I told him that I try to think positive and I try to always remember that Ian is happy, he has only known love and will never feel any pain or sorrows. And bless him, he told me something that I have known but kindof disregarded. He said "babe, your problem is you aren't giving it to God. Just like with everything else in our lives....we are helpless on our own" (let the record show that I absolutely ADORE my husband and he always finds the right words to say)......... So this morning I was on my way to work and I was having my morning prayer time, and I poured my heart out to Him. I told Him that although I'm not exactly thrilled with the fact that Ian is gone, that I realize that Ian is in a much better place and I thanked Him for taking care of my baby. I also asked Him if He would show me some verses that might help me....and I don't know if this was Him speaking to me or my overactive imagination but I heard: Pslam and then a couple seconds later I heard 100 and then I heard 6......So I took it as Pslam 100:6. But when I looked it up, Pslam chapter 100 only has 5 verses. At first I was pretty bummed but then it hit me Pslam chapter 106. When I read it I was amazed at how it could be related to my situation. I'm still not sure if it was sent straight from God but it helped me regardless. I will include the scripture but first I want to tell you what I got out of it:
The first couple verses talk about praising the Lord and His love and kindness endures. And then it talks about when God dried up the red sea and set His people free and how they praised and worshiped Him....but when things got hard again they strayed and they got bitter towards Him (sounding familiar?), it goes on to talk about how quickly they forgot all that God had done for them, when in reality He was (and is) the same God that He always was....HE NEVER CHANGES....ITS US WHO LET OUR FAITH WAIVER! I definitely needed to be reminded of this! My God is the same God who blessed me with my wonderful husband, my beautiful children, and a compared to some a very comfortable life. Yes, it sucks that Ian died, but when I became a christian I was not promised a life of leisure... I knew that things would sometimes get hard, BUT I was promised that God would see me through it! That he would hold me up when I didn't think it was possible to take another breath. God has a plan for my life! I believe that He is going to use my grief to show others His love and His mercy....now it is up to me to let Him. I pray that these verses... and my blog will somehow help some one else.....
1 Praise the LORD ! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good ; For His loving kindness is everlasting. 2 Who can speak of the mighty deeds of the LORD, Or can show forth all His praise ?3 How blessed are those who keep justice, Who practice righteousness at all times ! 4 Remember me, O LORD, in Your favor toward Your people ; Visit me with Your salvation, 5 That I may see theprosperity of Your chosen ones, That I may rejoice in the gladness of Your nation, That I may glorywith Your inheritance. 6 We have sinned like our fathers, We have committed iniquity, we have behaved wickedly. 7 Our fathers in Egypt did not understand Your wonders ; They did notremember Your abundant kindnesses, But rebelled by the sea, at the Red Sea. 8 Nevertheless Hesaved them for the sake of His name, That He might make His power known. 9 Thus He rebuked the Red Sea and it dried up, And He led them through the deeps, as through the wilderness. 10So He saved them from the hand of the one who hated them, And redeemed them from the hand of the enemy. 11 The waters covered their adversaries ; Not one of them was left. 12 Then theybelieved His words ; They sang His praise. 13 They quickly forgot His works ; They did not wait for His counsel, 14 But craved intensely in the wilderness, And tempted God in the desert. 15 So Hegave them their request, But sent a wasting disease among them. 16 When they became envious of Moses in the camp, And of Aaron, the holy one of the LORD, 17 The earth opened andswallowed up Dathan, And engulfed the company of Abiram. 18 And a fire blazed up in their company ; The flame consumed the wicked. 19 They made a calf in Horeb And worshiped amolten image. 20 Thus they exchanged their glory For the image of an ox that eats grass. 21They forgot God their Savior, Who had done great things in Egypt, 22 Wonders in the land of Ham And awesome things by the Red Sea. 23 Therefore He said that He would destroy them, Had not Moses His chosen one stood in the breach before Him, To turn away His wrath from destroying them. 24 Then they despised the pleasant land ; They did not believe in His word, 25 But grumbled in their tents ; They did not listen to the voice of the LORD. 26 Therefore He swore to them That He would cast them down in the wilderness, 27 And that He would cast their seed among the nations And scatter them in the lands. 28 They joined themselves also to Baal-peor, And ate sacrifices offered to the dead. 29 Thus they provoked Him to anger with their deeds, And the plague broke out among them. 30 Then Phinehas stood up and interposed, And so the plague was stayed. 31 And it was reckoned to him for righteousness, To all generations forever .32 They also provoked Him to wrath at the waters of Meribah, So that it went hard with Moses on their account ; 33 Because they were rebellious against His Spirit, He spoke rashly with his lips.34 They did not destroy the peoples, As the LORD commanded them, 35 But they mingled with the nations And learned their practices, 36 And served their idols, Which became a snare to them.37 They even sacrificed their sons and their daughters to the demons, 38 And shed innocent blood, The blood of their sons and their daughters, Whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan ; And the land was polluted with the blood. 39 Thus they became unclean in their practices, Andplayed the harlot in their deeds. 40 Therefore the anger of the LORD was kindled against Hispeople And He abhorred His inheritance. 41 Then He gave them into the hand of the nations, And those who hated them ruled over them. 42 Their enemies also oppressed them, And they were subdued under their power. 43 Many times He would deliver them; They, however, were rebellious in their counsel, And so sank down in their iniquity. 44 Nevertheless, He looked upon their distress When He heard their cry ; 45 And He remembered His covenant for their sake, And relented according to the greatness of His loving kindness. 46 He also made them objects of compassion In the presence of all their captors. 47 Save us, O LORD our God, And gather us from among the nations, To give thanks to Your holy name And glory in Your praise. 48 Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, From everlasting even to everlasting. And let all the people say, "Amen." Praise the LORD !
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