I'm not sure how to express my feelings about the conversation I had with my mother-in-law today....a part of me is angry with her, but at the same time I don't think she meant anything by her hurtful words, but mostly I'm feeling extremely sad.....
There's a bit of a back story so be patient with me.
James' sister has 4 beautiful children, but in her younger years she made some mistakes and all 4 children were mostly raised by James' mom. The oldest is 16 and the youngest is 9. So, in the last few years my sister in law has really tried to make her life better! She is currently living a couple states north of here and regained custody of one daughter last year and then about 2 months ago she got custody of the boys. Her oldest is still living here but with a friend because James' mom and her do not get along and it wasn't healthy for either of them to live under the same roof (she chose not to stay here because we are zoned for a different school, but we keep in close contact) .....anyway so today MIL was talking about how empty the house is and how much she misses the kids. I was trying to be as comforting as I possibly could because I know how hard it must be so I said "I know you miss them. I can't imagine what you are going through but remember that this is what you prayed for all those years and also remember that they didn't die that they are going to come for a visit. But it's ok to miss them, and its ok to be sad" she got kinda snappy and said "well, you don't know what its like to raise a child and then have them move away" so I said "no, I don't. and I know that you miss them. I know all to well what it feels like to miss a child" and she snaps "what child are you missing?" so I pretty much half sobbed/half yelled "Ian" and she said "Oh, I forgot about him"....talk about a blow to my gut! If Ian's own grandmother forgot about him so quickly then how do I keep his memory alive? How do I show others how important he is? She goes on to say "yes, losing him has put a hole in all of our hearts that I don't know how we will ever repair" SERIOUSLY???!?!?!? You just told me you forgot about him and now your saying this!?! She did apologize, but honestly, the damage was already done. I really don't think she meant to hurt me....maybe she was just sidetracked by her own grief that he slipped her mind but hearing that hurt me to my core. I never dreamed that I would ever have to hear someone especially family say that they forgot about him. I carried him for 4 months! How can family forget that!?!?!?
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