A year ago.....I found out I was pregnant.  At the time I was shocked, confused, and devastated...it took a good 2 weeks before I finally got excited.  I always knew I would love this baby...but it took me a while to come to terms.  Looking back I hate myself for being so upset.  I know that nothing that I said or did would have changed the outcome, but I always have that "what if: I loved him more fiercely in the beginning" or "what if: I'd drank a little less caffeine"  Neither of these things caused me to lose him...but doubt always creeps back in.....I miss him.  I long to hold him in my arms....

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