Yesterday was Ian's 1st Birthday. It wasn't "as bad" as I thought it was going to be. I had moments where I thought that I just couldn't take anymore...but as long as I stayed busy I was 'ok' . I still can't believe that it has been a year already. Some days, I feel like it was yesterday that we had to say goodbye...and then other days it feels like it was a lifetime ago. I miss him everyday...but the pain isn't as 'fresh' as it used to be (most days anyway).
So what did we do to celebrate Ian's birthday? We did a few RAKS or Random Acts of Kindness: We left a few quarters in the carts at Aldi's (you have to put a quarter in the cart in order to use it, it helps lower the price of their groceries), we also left plastic bags for people to use (otherwise they would have had to buy them), we put a $10 gas card on a pump, and we donated money to our local non-profit Christian radio station. ALL in Ian's memory! It took my mind off of missing him so much and it felt so good to give back. After we picked up the kids we decided to do a small balloon release. Brycen and Haiden loved this part....they each 'wrote' a message to Ian on his balloon. Brycen's said: Happy Birthday Ian! Hope you're having a great time! (I wrote it out for him and he signed it) and they both drew pictures on them. When we let them go they tried to chase the balloons and Brycen kept yelling "Happy Birthday! Hope its a good day!" over and over....it made me so sad, he wants his brother here with us so badly. And after dinner we had cupcakes and sang happy birthday to him. I didn't think I would be able to, but I held it together. I'm glad that we 'celebrated' his birthday instead of just laying around feeling sorry for ourselves....Lord knows we've had lots of those days, and I'm sure there will be more to come.
Happy Birthday Ian! Mama and Daddy love you and miss you soo much! I can't wait to finally hold you in my arms! But until I can get there....save a place for me!!!! I love you little man!!!